Song of Myself

This is a little true story my brother wrote in December of 2006:

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It’s true – I do have a pretty dark sense of humor. Macabre even. But I really can’t help it. I think the germ of this character trait lies in the environment in which I was raised. I went home for a visit yesterday. What follows is an actual dinner conversation.
First though, I should say a word about my father: Dad is a total safety freak. He constantly is making contingency plans, worrying about robbers, bears, carbon monoxide, radon poisoning, nuclear fallout, spontaneous combustion, terrorists… you name it, he’s probably thought of it and has a plan to protect the family. He checked the mail with latex gloves and opened the letters with a metal ruler for six months after the anthrax scare. I wish I was kidding, but I’m not.
“Don’t you think that’s a little strange?” I asked my mother.
“Now, you should be thankful that you have a father who cares enough about you to do something like that,” she replied.
Now Mom is not quite as concerned about all of these possible threats of extinction, but Dad’s paranoid tendencies allow her to indulge in her own strange habits of hoarding food and water. If you were to look in our pantry, you would not only see an enormous amount of canned goods, but everything is ordered and arranged by the date on which she bought it, prominently displayed in bold permanent marker on top of the can or bag.
Now, that’s not too terrible, but one of the things that always irritated me was that whenever we finished a gallon of milk, we couldn’t just throw the jug away – we had to wash it, and let it dry, and then she would add half a teaspoon of bleach to it, fill it with water, write the date on it, and make me take it down to the basement to join the countless others… I’m also not joking about that. If the bombs ever do drop, you should probably head over to my parent’s house. So, to the point, here’s the lovely conversation we had the other day:
“Lisa, have I told you about the SOS emergency action plan?” Dad asks over his plate.
“No, I don’t think so…” Mom answers cautiously.
“We need to have a plan in case the van is ever suddenly submerged in water. SOS stands for “Stay calm. Open the windows. Seatbelts off.”
“Okay…” Mom says, as I nearly choke trying not to spray water out of my nose.
“You know, this is serious,” Dad says reprovingly, and turns back to Mom. “It’s not as unlikely as you might think. This is what I’ve come up with: The van shouldn’t fully submerge for three or four minutes. We have to get the windows down first. Next, you have to get out off your own seatbelt, before you worry about anything else. Then you need to get Cody out of his car seat, hold your hands over his nose and mouth, and swim him out the window and up to the surface. Then Meme should go next, so she can help you with Cody. Then I’ll crawl to the back of the car to get little Summer out, since she’s bigger and might be harder to manage. Then we’ll swim up to the surface.”
Silence.
“Are you going to tell Meme about this?”
Silence.
“No, I don’t think so.”
We return to eating as if nothing has happened. So much for the SOS emergency plan.
However, the next day, Mom is out shopping and, I kid you not, sees some sort of special hammer that is made specifically for bashing out your car window in case you are ever trapped inside. That hammer is now lovingly wrapped, waiting for Dad underneath our Christmas tree, with “SOS” written in red paint on the handle.
Oh, another beautiful Christmas story.

The wedding is now 4 days away, including today. I’ve finally been hit by the nerves. I never thought I’d be one to get “cold feet,” but I think I’m experiencing quite the case of it now. Maybe that isn’t the correct term, though; I’m not doubting the relationship or considering not going through with it–that’s just not an option. I’m just realizing the magnitude of what’s going to happen on Friday. I’m trying to hang out with as many of my friends this week as I can, mostly since I’m moving away from Athens. It’s all quite surreal.

Last night I hung out with Jonathan. I originally met him when I was a new transfer to UGA; we had Japanese together (4 days a week). We also lived right down the street from one another, so we both rode the public transport bus to campus at the same times. I got to know him fairly well during that semester, so when we had Japanese together again in the fall of 2007, it was kinda picking up where we’d left off. Once I started working at Borders last November, our friendship really blossomed, since he works there too. Our breaks are almost always synced, so we usually get food and just hang out talking in the break room for the hour. Good times. I feel like he’s become a really good friend by now, so it’s pretty surprising that last night was the first time we’ve actually spent any time together pre-planned, outside of work. It was a fun night. We met up at the Alps St. Kroger to do a little shopping for dinner–we were planning on homemade pizza, beer, and video games all night. That Kroger is so insane–I hate it! Besides the parking lot, which is basically a deathtrap, it’s so crowded in there, it feels like rush hour on Lexington Road–merging, cutting people off, everything. We finally left and headed to his place, which was a cute little 1-bedroom apartment near the UGA track in Five Points. Jonathan had never made homemade pizza before, but since it’s so easy, I was able to enlighten him. The pizza turned out awesome: deep dish, fresh tomatoes, sundried tomatoes, portabella mushrooms, artichoke hearts, and cheese–yum! He was suitably impressed. We bought a 6-pack of Flying Dog Old Scratch (first time drinking that for both of us–it was pretty good, though a little malty for my tastes) and a 6-pack of Kirin Ichiban, which I love. To my amusement, it turned out that Jonathan didn’t own a bottle opener, and neither beer was twist-off, so he made an emergency run to the gas station up the street to get a bottle opener. We started drinking with dinner, so we were getting a good buzz by 7:00 or so. He showed me his sweeeet PS3, and we played around on this game called Warhawk for a while. After that, we talked a little bit, then hooked up the GameCube for some awesome MarioKart Double Dash action–hella fun! After that intensity, we just sat there on the couch and talked about stuff for a long time. He had to call his girlfriend (to assure her that we weren’t doing the nasty or anything–haha), so I started watching TV. When he came back, I was watching Scrubs, which prompted him to bust out the Scrubs season 2 DVD and we watched our two favorite episodes (His Story, My Kingdom). After that, we watched a few random videos on YouTube, then I decided to head home. My final beer count was 4, which is a lot for me, but I guess I’m becoming a hardened drinker, because by the time I drove home, I was totally sober (of course).

All in all a fun day, especially since it was preluded by a fun shopping trip to Target with Amanda. I have the last of my wedding beauty essentials, which I’m going to test out today.

Today’s plans include getting my nails done with Haley P, then packing….

Since I’ve had such a crappy two weeks, I need some things that make me happy. Here are some of my all-time favorite videos on YouTube:

And my all-time favorite:

I have become ridiculously addicted to this website:

http://www.goodreads.com

Go. Check it out. Join. Addict.

So I’m back from my little vacation to the new apartment. I haven’t taken any pictures yet, but it’s v. cute. Just trust me. I worked for several hours on Tuesday unpacking all the first round of stuff and got most of it put away by the time Evan got home from work. I think we’ll be quite happy and comfortable in the new place. The only downside I can see so far is being able to tell what time it is while we’re asleep…since we’re in a basement that backs up to the woods, the quality of light is pretty much the same whether it’s 8am or 4pm, so the alarm clock is going to get a lot of usage…

I spent a few hours yesterday at a temp agency looking for work. (By the way, Amanda, I’m planning on telling you all this when I see you or talk to you, but if you read this first, don’t blame me .) I ended up going to this place in downtown Gainesville called WillStaff Worldwide. I had planned on filling out an application and that being that, but it didn’t work that way… they had interviews and all kinds of stuff going on. When it was all said and done, I was there for about 3 1/2 hours, took a clerical & industrial test, and has an interview. Bottom line: I am “highly qualified” for basically any position they have open, so they told me that when I’m ready to start working, just give them a call and they’d be able to place me immediately. So, that means when I go to Borders for work tonight, I’ll be giving my 2-week notice (kinda–my last day will be May 20th). It’ll be nice not to have to commute to work.

Also, I got a message on Facebook last night from a guy responding to my sublease ad. Hopefully he’ll take it, so that’s one less thing to worry about.

I’m fairly depressed for such exciting things to be happening. My dad is the main cause of this, but I don’t really want to go into it right now…

My birthday was great, other than the hours at the temp agency. Evan bought me a really cute outfit and took me to dinner at Aqua Terra, where we happened to be dining at the same time as Jeff Foxworthy. That was pretty funny. He tipped the waitress $70 on $148.00. Wish I’d been serving! That’s an awesome tip. Anyway, it was a good day, most of all since I got to spend it with Evan. Got a lot of well wishes on the phone and Facebook from friends.

Don’t feel any older.

I finished my last final of the semester today: political science. This isn’t my best subject; it reminds me of the biology class I took during summer session at Piedmont: no matter how much you study the book and notes, the tests still covers material you’ve never seen. For the first time, my grades have been pretty bad this semester, both in Japanese and in PoliSci. Last semester, I made my first-ever C(+) in a class (Japanese). Between senioritis and all my medical troubles at the beginning of the semester, it’s been tough to keep my grades decent. I don’t think I failed Japanese this semester due to any sort of grades, but I did have 7 absences, which means the professor will deduct 7 points from my final average. I’m really crossing my fingers that I just pass…

Of course, the way last week crapped all over me, it would only be fitting for me to fail Japanese so I have to retake it next year and completely throw off my plans. As it is, I’ll be taking a class this summer so I can graduate in August. I’m so disappointed in myself for not taking care of that math credit sooner…but oh well.

In happier news, I saw our new apartment yesterday! It’s very cute–I can’t wait to move in! The kitchen is really big, which is awesome for me and Evan, since we like to cook so much. The bedroom is a little small, especially for his queen-sized bed, but I think it’ll be fine. The bathroom is pretty spacious, too, and it has a cute stack washer/dryer. Huge walk-in closet, too. The best part is the patio, though. It has a cute little wooden table and 2 chairs built in, so we automatically have patio furniture! I’m going to get some hanging plants and hopefully a bird feeder. It backs up to a little patch of woods, which is awesome! Also, Evan told me that we get access to the community pool and tennis courts! I want us to start playing tennis together this summer; I think it’ll be fun, and it’s good exercise.

My aunt and cousin are in town visiting until tomorrow, so after I’m finished playing around on the computer, I’m going home for the day to celebrate my birthday with my family and visit. Afterwards, I’m driving to our new apartment to stay there for a few days, since I don’t have anything to do until Thursday night work.